Lord all my life I have been questioning...everything. I feel like even as a small child I believed there was more than I could see; more than my little life presented. If anyone reading this relates then you'll understand what I mean when I say, "I'm exhausted:".
Changing my mind about God and traditional religious beliefs has only led to more questions, besides my mother's complete lack of understanding and a sense of betrayal. For that matter, the people who get close enough (few) to hear my opinions on this seem to be at odds with my thoughts. This leads to misconceptions as to who I am in their eyes. In the quest for finding myself it appears I alienate people. Sometimes that makes me feel even further apart when unity is actually what I'm seeking.
Psychology is a very dear subject to me. However, in my hands it feels like a dangerous tool. Popular Psychology tells me that there are specific things that make us who we are and that they can be determined with close study. My spiritual self tells me that I have to get these preconceived thoughts out of my head so that I can intuit what is really going on with others, myself and situations. It is quite the dilemma.
Recently, I have begun to halfheartedly wish I were not this person looking desperately to be the best me. Sometimes I envy others that accept life as it comes with such a casual degree that I have never, ever once known. What if I have spent my whole life trying to get as close to my higher self as I can, only to have missed out on the human being I am here now? Every now and again I just have to ask, "which me is it that I am seeking?"
Changing my mind about God and traditional religious beliefs has only led to more questions, besides my mother's complete lack of understanding and a sense of betrayal. For that matter, the people who get close enough (few) to hear my opinions on this seem to be at odds with my thoughts. This leads to misconceptions as to who I am in their eyes. In the quest for finding myself it appears I alienate people. Sometimes that makes me feel even further apart when unity is actually what I'm seeking.
Psychology is a very dear subject to me. However, in my hands it feels like a dangerous tool. Popular Psychology tells me that there are specific things that make us who we are and that they can be determined with close study. My spiritual self tells me that I have to get these preconceived thoughts out of my head so that I can intuit what is really going on with others, myself and situations. It is quite the dilemma.
Recently, I have begun to halfheartedly wish I were not this person looking desperately to be the best me. Sometimes I envy others that accept life as it comes with such a casual degree that I have never, ever once known. What if I have spent my whole life trying to get as close to my higher self as I can, only to have missed out on the human being I am here now? Every now and again I just have to ask, "which me is it that I am seeking?"
