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Love. "Love makes the world go round" "All you need is love" "What the world needs now is love, sweet love"
These things exemplify love to some social plateau we should all aim for. They spoon feed the stories of that elusive true love or finding “the one”. What happens when you find that person that made your heart go pitter patter though? What then? When the music stops playing every time they enter the room, who prepares you for that reality?
It wasn’t until I was well into my twenties that I stopped believing in fairy tales. That wasn’t the devastating part; it was when I was still chasing the rainbows that my heart hurt. I used to wait for my white knight to ride up on his stead and rescue me from a life of mere mediocrity. I looked for him everywhere too. Whenever my heart began beating out of its chest at the sight of some male looking at me just so, I thought,”Yep, he’s the one”. If I craved a mans’ company I thought, “He is the one I am meant to spend forever with”. You can well imagine none of those men made that journey. Inevitably, the looks he gave me began to wander to other women or become dulled by routine. The craving was replaced by a feeling of suffocation. The shiny knight turned out to be another boy far away from knighthood, much less manhood and his stead was his mother's Buick he borrowed. PS, if you haven’t already put two and two together, these white knights were really just bad boys with smooth lines and shiny mirrors.
Now you may sense that I am bitter but it’s not quite.If you'd like to know why that isn't the case, read on. It was a shattering of childhood fantasies, sure, and that would be earth shaking had it not been replaced by something to grow on. I realized that that draw towards “those” men were my need for punishment that dwells within us all. Subconsciously, it is the level at which we think we deserve to be treated. Drama…that is what I craved to somehow make my life seem more exciting. Whether bad or worse that abuse fulfilled a need in me.
Maybe you’d like to know what that thing was that I learned (besides the fact that those boys were no happily ever after). It can all be found in this one statement: Love is NOT enough! I had believed that love was this rare happening that must be first snatched up upon feeling. Guess what…FAIL. Love is not the basis of a good relationship. Yes, I said it, let me repeat, Love is not the basis of a good relationship. Love is easy. Loving someone is a happy accumulation of moments. Love is a flighty fancy that comes and goes in moods. That said, love is important of course but it is not the foundation on which you should build your home. There are several components that should be contained in that concrete base in which you build your love upon. Trust, honesty, as in self-honesty to start with, a firm sense of companionship with plenty of things in common to build upon are just a few of the necessities of a balanced relationship. There must be similar morals/values, goals and ambitions. Here comes a doozy: there needs to be a deficit that the other person exceeds at. A tug of sorts will keep the interest in the maintenance involved. Bottom line once you find all these components it still isn’t smooth sailing…its work! Plain and simple you must remind yourself every freaking day that this is the person that you wish to build your life with no matter what changes or situations occur.
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