I Cry

I do cry;

I cry for the people that I know are out there crying too. I cry for the child in me and others that grew up too fast at their hands. I cry for the scared adult that worries if I'm making good life decisions. I cry because I'm scared to love fully. I cry because I don't know if I'll ever truly trust someone. I cry because I'm so happy and grateful. I cry every time I think of my relationship with God (ie, me). I cry because I'm scared of growing old. I cry because this moment is too wonderful to contain. I cry because a memory has floated through my mind of a former friend/loved one that is no longer around. I cry for my son that I fear for all the time. I also cry for my son when I'm so proud of who I hope he is becoming. I cry because I'm not who I thought I was going to be. I cry because sometimes I'm more than I thought I would ever be. I cry because I'm afraid I'm going to lose him and I cry for the ones I have lost. I cry for my friends/family that have died. I cry when the lyrics of a song remind me that the world is full of such beauty and harm. I cry because I'm not only scared to be alone but upset that I'm worried about that. I cry at movies…I cry.

You probably won't ever see me cry though. As beautiful as I think it is, it is also an extremely intimate moment. It is the exact time that I am actively living and/or reliving an event so powerful that my body cannot contain it.

The very first time I realized it was okay to cry was upon hearing Nicholas Cage (yes the actor) tell Meg Ryan, in the movie, "City of Angels" that, "Maybe... maybe emotion becomes so intense your body just can't contain it. Your mind and your feelings become too powerful... and your body weeps." Yep, it was that movie that convinced me my tears were acceptable.

This poem is honestly not that good, however I think it sums it all up well. I wrote this when I was about 13. I felt this way then and still do now.

Reason for Tears                            

 

I cry very often

Over many things

It makes me feel better

It soothes the pain

It won't bring back

The memories I've had

Some were beautiful

While others…very sad

Friends, loves, heartbreaks

And my many fears

I cry out in my own way

My way…is my tears

People say, "Only babies cry"

I believe different

These are my reasons

So don't ask why