I have loved and been loved. However, ask that of certain individuals and they will disagree. There is an argument about love, at least amongst my circle of friends. This alternative view states that if the "loved" one is no longer in your life then it must have not been love. Let me be perfectly clear and repeat, I have heard the opinion expressed by more than one person that if your romantic partner is no longer that then love never existed. I cannot give any further explanation of this opinion because I find it to be a ludicrous idea. I'm surprised I got this far into my blog before making my opposition more evident. Before I begin my rant, let me issue this disclaimer genuinely: Every one is allowed their own opinion. When I labeled that opinion as ludicrous and as I go on to expel upon how avidly I disagree, that is not attack on any person, but the concept of the idea.
I have loved and been loved! Each individual that has come into my life, in a romantic way, have a piece of my heart that never dies. Even my ex-husband, whom I have no love for, had a place there. At one point he knew my love and loved me. That does not disappear because we ended our life together. Love is hardly this solitary event, rather it is cumulative moments. Even in a successful marriage of length, they will tell you there are times when the love has ebbed and when it resurges once more; that might even be the secret to understanding marriage. I can assure you that those moments when the love is less, does not mean it is gone. Love is not always meant to last forever, in fact, that is more of a rarity than the rule.
There is one piece of supporting evidence to this wayward thought that I might concede with but even that has a place in my argument. The idea that if it is truly unconditional love, the optimal kind, then it will never disappear. First of all, that is almost an inhuman thing to ask. It takes a person of great discipline, understanding...I would go so far as to say training to achieve this feat. Unconditional love, were it ever present, states that no matter the other person's behavior or acts a love will abide. However, even in this it does not state that a life together will be feasible. Using this definition and example of love, I believe the fact that you are not together can still mean the love is untainted.
Furthermore, when there is a loss...a breakup, separation or divorce the mourning process that proceeds is tantamount to proof of love. The fact that this person still lives but not with or near your life is an awesome emotion that can surely not be diminished because of its past tense status. As my friend stated to me just now, "That person isn't dead but the entity you were together is. You must mourn something that is actually not gone". I really couldn't have said it better. Out of sight, does not equal out of heart!
I think that I both agree and disagree with you (how's that for wishy-washy.) Sometimes, some people believe that they are truely in love, but know it not. They NEED to be loved and that will warp their perceptions until what is not seems to be. So, sometimes, I think that the counter arguement is valid. That being said, I agree that, in most cases, we take love for that person, who we thought they were, who they were then, with us when love has died.
ReplyDeleteI think that the biggest dissagreement some might have with you is because they equate the word love with true love, which is much rarer.
Ok Mother so here we go.
ReplyDeleteI agree whole-heatedly with you and Stephen.
The mind is a most powerful thing as we all know and the mind, if convinced thoroughly with constant bliss, will assume that the heart and soul are in love. I of all people know that.
However to truly say you have loved (not true love but to truly say)is to say that you and that person have a connection that can withstand more than that of an average associative friend. That will always remain, no matter how much you wish it away it will always be there. You are also right when you said love wasn't one independent event, love is one of the very few things that run linear I believe, it never ends.
As far as unconditional (true) love is concerned I don't know if I have ever seen it in a romance, more so it is seen in a Mother-Son relation or any Parent-child relation. The closest I have ever seen to true love is my good friends Kevin & Jenny, they have been together since high school and no matter what they work together and solve things as a couple.
I do however disagree with the mourning of a "love" because it is not truly the love you are mourning it is the person and the relationship you had with them. That relationship is over and can never return to the way it once was, or at least for most.