Strength

I am a woman in a man's world. Perhaps we can all claim this but my life, particularly is dominated by men. My best friend is male, and in actuality several good friends are male. I live in the gaming world which is dominated by men as well. I heard some woman just 'sigh' but let me assure you this is no easy task. Follow along with me and you will see.

For a long time I have fought the traditional side of my nature that believes in gender roles because of the perceptions that other have on that concept. When I say that a man should lead the woman, automatically it is assumed that the woman cannot lead herself. It's as if the ability to choose is somehow moot in this circumstance. Due to this misconception I overcompensated by becoming the ferocious woman of the millennium. Much like the hippies of the 60/70s, I became a woman so bent on defining myself as an individual that I lost a part of my womanhood. In fact, ,many of my male friends dubbed me a man eater/hater because I had become so obsessed with proving that I was an independent woman and needed no one, much less a man in my life. I am here to right that wrong today.

"Men are strong"."Women are soft and fragile". I've been working under this guise for some time now. We, women take on so many roles: We are the mothers that never falter; We are daughters that always love; We are friends that will be there for one another; We are wives that 'allow' our husbands to be the king of their castles; We are the caregivers in most everyones lives, but often not our own! None of these roles are invalid at all. What is the problem is that before you become the super mom, wife, daughter or friend you  must become 'you'! I was convinced to be a true woman you must make sure that you don't overshadow a man--pathetic, right? Yes, is the answer. I am stronger than that. Initially, my point was being around all these men helped convince me that I was a damsel in need of rescuing. Luckily, they also had the opposite effect... In my constant quest for equality and value in their lives I have found my inner strength. I realize that my ability to do and become anyone I desire rests in my hands, and mine alone. There is my strength! That is my power; not my ability to speak softly, be sexy or appear inept. This information is a beautiful part of my growth. It's new and for all of you that already knew this, I applaud you. 

I might be breaking a lot of illusions for many people but most importantly myself because I realize that I can be whoever I want to, out loud, no matter if you agree or not.  I hope you are all prepared but if not...let this beautiful poem from the incredible Maya Angelou explain and resestablish the message I wish to share with you:

Still I Rise You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise. Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? 'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise. Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops. Weakened by my soulful cries. Does my haughtiness offend you? Don't you take it awful hard 'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines Diggin' in my own back yard. You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I'll rise. Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I've got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs? Out of the huts of history's shame I rise Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise. Slavery comes in many forms, including the chains that are  self-inflicted--Catherine Ellen Ballinger