Saturday my niece turned 17. My goodness I have watched her grow. She was a very spoiled baby but blossomed into a lovely young girl until (cue: dramatic drum roll) teenagedom. From here, although she is still dear to my heart, she has become...hmmm, how to put this nicely...slutty. PS, that word is only being used for clear and effective verbage. That may seem harsh but I don't believe in mincing words when the stakes are high. I discuss this with my niece every chance I get. Truth be told, as I do with her, this is what your teenage years are for. I told her be a slut if you want, but be a safe one. Sure, I could lie to her and tell her abstinence is best but I'd prefer her enjoy her life, rather than live in that horrible state of repression. Repression is indeed a worse condition than any perceived wrongdoing ,in my opinion.Something I was entrenched in as a good Catholic girl and am now paying for. Let me explain.
It is a fact that during the teenage years our hormones are raging out of control. This, not only creates a moral dilemma but plays upon the actual physical body. Between the physical ache of sexual exploration and the inner need for intimacy this time in a young adult's life is for exactly that...exploration. That is not done just for the sake of satiation but rather figuring out our sexual identities. This is a highly important and overlooked part of the growing up process because let's face it, we are created sexual creatures. This must be acknowledged! If we skip this process then, it will return to be reexamined at a less convenient time in our lives, not to mention some confusing years in between.
As is the case for me, at the age of 30 something is not the time to be unsure of what you want and how you want it. This stage in life should be for the obtaining of what we learned as a young adult. Yet here I am 37 years old, in the prime of my sexuality and desiring sex in the most base of ways. Of course it's too late for me to have the sexual freedom my body is yearning for because I have already been brainwashed into believing that sex should be just okay. All my life I was told that good, hot, yummy sex should only happen with the man you love. Now, that I agree with but the question is...what if the man you love isn't good? Well, as a good Catholic girl it was stressed that that isn't the important part so I settle. I deny myself of this aching need that is accosting my body in lieu of salvation. What girls and boys alike need to learn during their formulative years is that sex IS important and it should be a factor in finding the one you want to spend your life with. Satisifying your heart is very important but the body must be included for that to be complete. Young adults must be given full knowledge.
The opposite side of this is abstinence, as I mentioned above. I believe this advice to be highly irresponsible of any sane adult but lets look at what happens when this is enforced. First of all you are lying to these young adults. You are telling them that there is only one valid option, leaving them no room to decide for themselves. Another mode during teenagedom is taking responsibility for their own decisions by learning how to weigh the pros and cons. Giving this flawed advice is disarming them of the ability to choose and become independent. The second most prevalent harm this rhetoric enables is simply the confusion factor. Their bodies are telling them one thing, while the holier than thou adult(whom has probably already had their fill of exploratory sex) is telling them to resist these evil impulses, thus creating a deeply seated guilt that rivals Catholic guilt and will forever make them question their own sexuality.
Sadly, this decision is left up to each parent. I can tell you as a mother and an aunt I choose complete disclosure so as to encourage the young adults in my care to learn and choose a life of their own, even if those lead to the wrong ones. We are all here to learn and that process begins at birth and NEVER ends. I would implore anyone on the fence to consider allowing the human being in your care, under your guidance, to make their own life decisions, thus teaching them true responsibility that comes with the freedom of choice.
It is a fact that during the teenage years our hormones are raging out of control. This, not only creates a moral dilemma but plays upon the actual physical body. Between the physical ache of sexual exploration and the inner need for intimacy this time in a young adult's life is for exactly that...exploration. That is not done just for the sake of satiation but rather figuring out our sexual identities. This is a highly important and overlooked part of the growing up process because let's face it, we are created sexual creatures. This must be acknowledged! If we skip this process then, it will return to be reexamined at a less convenient time in our lives, not to mention some confusing years in between.
As is the case for me, at the age of 30 something is not the time to be unsure of what you want and how you want it. This stage in life should be for the obtaining of what we learned as a young adult. Yet here I am 37 years old, in the prime of my sexuality and desiring sex in the most base of ways. Of course it's too late for me to have the sexual freedom my body is yearning for because I have already been brainwashed into believing that sex should be just okay. All my life I was told that good, hot, yummy sex should only happen with the man you love. Now, that I agree with but the question is...what if the man you love isn't good? Well, as a good Catholic girl it was stressed that that isn't the important part so I settle. I deny myself of this aching need that is accosting my body in lieu of salvation. What girls and boys alike need to learn during their formulative years is that sex IS important and it should be a factor in finding the one you want to spend your life with. Satisifying your heart is very important but the body must be included for that to be complete. Young adults must be given full knowledge.
The opposite side of this is abstinence, as I mentioned above. I believe this advice to be highly irresponsible of any sane adult but lets look at what happens when this is enforced. First of all you are lying to these young adults. You are telling them that there is only one valid option, leaving them no room to decide for themselves. Another mode during teenagedom is taking responsibility for their own decisions by learning how to weigh the pros and cons. Giving this flawed advice is disarming them of the ability to choose and become independent. The second most prevalent harm this rhetoric enables is simply the confusion factor. Their bodies are telling them one thing, while the holier than thou adult(whom has probably already had their fill of exploratory sex) is telling them to resist these evil impulses, thus creating a deeply seated guilt that rivals Catholic guilt and will forever make them question their own sexuality.
Sadly, this decision is left up to each parent. I can tell you as a mother and an aunt I choose complete disclosure so as to encourage the young adults in my care to learn and choose a life of their own, even if those lead to the wrong ones. We are all here to learn and that process begins at birth and NEVER ends. I would implore anyone on the fence to consider allowing the human being in your care, under your guidance, to make their own life decisions, thus teaching them true responsibility that comes with the freedom of choice.
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