- Flip through the bible and find the parts of it that say, we are not to know the time of our death/end of the world/rapture and use permanent red ink to strike through those words obviously imprinted by(cue:mysterious music) ....THE Devil!
- Take stock of all your department store credit cards and begin the shopping spree at each.
- Participate in the funding of massive roadside billboards announcing the end of times because that always gets their attention.
- Stay naked so making it easier for the rapture spotlight to find you and lift you to the heavens. Plus, do you really want to ruin that brand new Gucci skirt?
- As Judgement day begins at 6pm, I recommend that you stop driving at least 2 hours before such time.
- Call in sick to work, no matter what shift you are working.
- Don't forget to cancel your newspaper subscriptions. Just because you will be safe, do not make it any harder for the heathens left behind.
- Harold Camping, the genius christian on high who has the inside track on all things God doesn't know exactly how it will all begin so just in case it is the Zombie Apocalypse instead, get a good supply of lumber to board up all your windows and some deer urine(zombies hate that smell)
- Since there are many different time zones you must be prepared for some spotty cell service at least 8 hours before the coming of Jdawg. I recommend making your farewell, cya in heaven or good luck with the tribulations, well before then.
- And the number one thing you must prepare for before the rapture is...Empty all bodily functions before the light finds you; wipe well. You might experience some anxiety and nausea on the ride up. No one is in the mood for that kind of mess.
Good luck my fellow Human beings. Its been real!
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